Infertility priorities? March 29, 2008

A while ago, my husband and I were having a conversation about what the next step in our process could be.  (Notice that I said could and not should.)  We have gone back and forth in our decisions about the next step for many months now, which  is a very natural part of this process by the way.  We decided that the next step would be a major medical procedure this summer.

In the meantime, we had some really good friends of ours that are also struggling with infertility call us a few weeks ago and tell us that they were going to Africa and asked us if we wanted to go with them.  I, of course, jumped at the chance!  Africa!  That is on my “want to go sometime in my life” list.  My husband, however, the ever intellecutal realist (which I love and need) was a little more hesitant.

Is Africa really a priority when we have this procedure coming up soon?  My selfish side just really wanted to go no matter what and therefore, I struggled with this in my thinking and feeling.  I felt torn between another medical procedure we were planning and going on this trip with my husband and friends.  The priorities came down to this: what do I let happen to me and what do I make happen?  Did I have to choose one or the other options that were coming up?

After my husband and I talked for awhile about our priorities, we really found that the root priority for both of us was not different at all!  What we really wanted was to have eachother be as happy as we could be.  It wasn’t about external options.  So, why am I talking about this in this entry?  No matter where you are in this infertility process, our priorities can be the same.  I want to challenge you to make your number one priority be your spouse.   Ask yourself daily, “do I really know how they are doing emotionally today? do they need a break? a trip? are they ready for the next procedure?”

Our ability to predict when to have our family might be unknown but we can create the happiness in our marriages by choosing to have our spouses be our number one priority. 

Building Lasting Self Esteem March 25, 2008

Hey everybody!  I wanted you to check out this interview that I did with Dr. Paul last fall.  He just let me know that this has been the most popular download on his podcast.  Check it out and let me know what you think!

You can also check out the other shows he has done at www.liveonpurposeradio.com

Yikes! Decision-making March 14, 2008

Recently, I have met with a number of couples that are struggling in their marriage for one reason or another.  There seemed to be one major theme in common for each couple however; making some kind of a decision.  Because of that, I have been thinking a lot about decisions.  In my own experience, it has been really difficult for me to decide what the next step is on our infertility journey.  I have learned a remarkable decision making tool from a dear friend and colleague of mine named Paul Jenkins.  In order to understand how difficult it is to make a decision, it is critical to understand what the word actually means.  He has taught that the word “cision” means “to cut” and depending on the prefix, the word changes.  For example, an “in-cision” means “to cut into.”  An “ex-cision” means “to cut out.”  And listen up now…a “de-cision” means “to cut off.” 

To cut off… think about that.  Is it any wonder why most of us struggle making decisions?  We are literally cutting off another option or choice!  For example, if I choose an apple, that really means I am choosing not to have an orange or a banana.  I know fertility decisions are much more critical and costly than what fruit to eat.  However, the same principle exists.  For example, in choosing adoption – does that mean I “cut off” the option of ever having biological children?

Maybe for that moment, it might seem like that.  However, this isn’t truth.  What if the decision was about how to react to the pain or anguish you are experiencing?  Could you decide to have happiness and joy over pain and sorrow?  Suddenly, decisions seem much more pleasant don’t they?

My challenge – make a “de-cision” today and every day with the recognition that you are cutting off an option and ask yourself what that decision is giving you instead!  Good luck!

By the way, if you would like to learn more tools from my friend Paul Jenkins you can visit his weekly podcast show at www.liveonpurposeradio.com.